23 things every classical musician wants you to stop asking them immediately

22 May 2020, 11:48 | Updated: 22 May 2020, 11:56

23 things every classical musician wants you to stop asking them immediately
23 things every classical musician wants you to stop asking them immediately. Picture: Netflix/Twitter

By Maddy Shaw Roberts

You’re a classical musician, and the world won’t stop asking you these things. We understand.

  1. Hey, why is your music full of hashtags?

    Hashtags or sharps
    Hashtags or sharps. Picture: Social media

    Psst. Not a hashtag.

  2. I thought classical music was just for old people?

    Little Conductor (Karen Hakobyan's Son) no relation to Maestro Mehta, please stop spreading false news!

    My son is 1,5 years old in these videos and had Khatchaturian Sabre Dance and Borodin Polovtsian Dances in his repertoire already) Karen Hakobyan, pianist/composer/conductor Pegasus: The Orchestra

    Posted by Karen Hakobyan on Sunday, 6 October 2019

    ... ahem.

  3. Lockdown must be so good for you, get so much practice done.

    via GIPHY

    If by “good” you mean “financially draining”, then yes.

  4. What have you got in there, a machine gun?!

    Violin case
    Violin case. Picture: Getty

    “Bet you wish you played the flute!!”

    *stony violin face*

  5. Have you ever thought about getting a real job?

    BAM.

  6. To a cellist: hey, I didn’t know you played guitar?

    Anyways, here’s Wonderwall.
    Anyways, here’s Wonderwall. Picture: Social media

    *sigh*

  7. So what do you actually do all those hours you spend practising, just play the song?

    via GIPHY

    I mean, you’re not far off.

  8. Hey can you play that song from Twilight – what’s it called, Clair de lune?

    via GIPHY

    I’m sure Debussy would be delighted to hear about his genre-bending legacy.

  9. Why do you make all those weird faces when you perform?

    Didn't realise bows could do that...

    Didn't realise bows could do that... (via Salvatore Lombardo - crazy violinist)

    Posted by Classic FM on Monday, 4 July 2016

    It’s a fair question.

  10. Yeah, I don’t really listen to old music

    Dwayne Baroque
    Dwayne Baroque. Picture: Classic FM

    Age is but a number, friend.

  11. Your fingers are quite callousy. Have you ever thought about getting a manicure?

    Finger calluses
    Finger calluses. Picture: Social media

    Does it look like that would work out for me?

  12. Ah, you’re studying music. So you’re going to be a music teacher?

    via GIPHY

    If it gets you off my back grandma, then yes, I am.

  13. Oh you’re a singer? Have you thought about going on the X Factor?

    via GIPHY

    Ha ha ha ha. I’m blocking your number.

  14. Oh I can play piano too! *plays Chopsticks*

    via GIPHY

    Sure, it’s the same.

  15. You get paid £200 for an hour’s playing??? That’s so much!! You much be rich!!!

    via GIPHY

    Sure, let me just mop my tears with all the spare money I have.

  16. What do the black keys do?

    via GIPHY

    My piano is not a toy.

  17. Oh you’re a professional musician? We’d love you to play at our event. There won’t be a fee, but it will be good exposure for you.

    Exposures
    Exposures. Picture: Social media

    So grateful, thk u xo

  18. Can I hold your instrument?

    via GIPHY

    And please stop touching my bow hair.

  19. I’ve actually been writing some of my own music. Can I play it to you?

    via GIPHY

    “A lot of my new stuff is pretty dark”

  20. Oh you’re a musician. Play us something!

    via GIPHY

    Leave me alone pls.

  21. Ooh you play saxophone? Do you know Baker Street?

    via GIPHY

    Nope. Never heard of it. Great suggestion.

  22. Oh you play piano? Do you know any Elton John?

    via GIPHY

    Sure, if it makes you happy.

  23. I really love classical music. And opera, I’m so into opera. Operas like Phantom and Les Mis

    Operas
    Operas. Picture: Social media

    Guess it’s back to Dating Square One, then.