On Air Now
Smooth Classics at Seven with Zeb Soanes 7pm - 10pm
Here are the very worst classical album covers of all time. Weird, funny, alarming and perplexing all at the same time - who knew the world of classical music album covers could be so bizarre?
John Travolta has absolutely nothing to worry about from Arthur Fiedler, former conductor of the Boston Pops Orchestra. Except maybe a poke in the eye from his baton. Stay cool, Arthur.
Is there any Dave Brubeck on your jazz album, Simon Rattle? 'Cos those braces need to Take 5.
Could Derek Bell have picked a better title for this baroque extravaganza? No. No he could not. Kudos, Derek.
Geddit? Actually, this doesn't really deserve to be in a gallery of terrible album covers. This is genuinely amazing.
Did you know, "Au theatre des varietes" is actually French for "maniac takes harp on lawnmower and wears inappropriate loafers"?
The only thing that will grow while this record is on is the desire to turn it off.
Who knew that Nik Kershaw took a classical detour in the 80s? Only kidding. But it does seem that the great Nigel Kennedy has controversially decided to print his score on his waistcoat. It's a nice idea, not sure how it'll work in concert.
Much like an eclipse, it's best not to stare directly at it.
See what they did there? Handel? Handle? 'Cos they're lifting it? Yeah? Ah, forget it…
Bach was known for his keyboard prowess and his intricate finger work, but what the inimitable Don Dorsey has cleverly done is update it to the 20th century. Specifically, to a hybrid of Harold Faltermeyer and Liberace. From 1985. Well-tempered keytar, anyone?
Because nothing says 'modern cello works' like a terrifying painting of Donald Duck in a smoking jacket.
Shades? Check. Baggy red shirt? Check. Parrot? Check. Get the maracas out, it's time to make some music!
We're not going to lie. Christian Lindberg features quite heavily in this gallery. Here he is, standing proudly on top of a mountain holding two trombones and wearing what looks like a velour cycling jersey from 1987.
Here's Christian again, this time fully embracing Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' era and borrowing his wife's leather boots.
Blimey, Christian. Way to pull on the heart strings.
What better way to depict the rich romance, social conscience and balletic beauty of the music of Aram Khachaturian? An orange Dracula font and Bela Lugosi-esque picture, obviously.
The more you look at this one, the better it gets. The keyboard lapel-lining. The 'attempt' at a convincing Amadeus poster. The two bits of popcorn that Maestro Salieri (is that who it is? He's IN the film!) seems to have dropped. It's too much.
Not only has Hao Jiang Tian opted for the controversial '90s boyband' technique of sitting on a chair, he's also brought his faithful hound along with him too.
When the great Herbert von Karajan wasn't conducting, he liked nothing more than capsizing other people's boats with a mournful expression on his face.
Looks like José was the designated driver at this year's Three Tenors office party.
Sometimes the hotel pool just isn't as secluded as you'd like. Pass the soap, someone?
Violinist Lara St. John there, demonstrating the missing link between Bach and the Old Spice advert.
It's difficult to know where to start with this one. The weird underscores in the titles, the creepy guy in the background, the other guy's fixation with jewellery… answers on a postcard.
In this mildly unsettling depiction of one man's quest to ensure his instrument isn't dropped by the baggage handlers, the thing we're still drawn to most is that incredible jumper.