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Smooth Classics with Margherita Taylor 10pm - 1am
These terrible album covers will make you laugh and then violently cringe
Here are the very worst classical album covers of all time. Weird, funny, alarming and perplexing all at the same time - who knew the world of classical music album covers could be so bizarre?
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1. Saturday Night Fiedler
John Travolta has absolutely nothing to worry about from Arthur Fiedler, former conductor of the Boston Pops Orchestra. Except maybe a poke in the eye from his baton. Stay cool, Arthur.
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2. Simon Rattle - The Jazz Album
Is there any Dave Brubeck on your jazz album, Simon Rattle? 'Cos those braces need to Take 5.
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3. Derek Bell Plays With Himself
Could Derek Bell have picked a better title for this baroque extravaganza? No. No he could not. Kudos, Derek.
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4. Red Priest - Handel in the Wind
Geddit? Actually, this doesn't really deserve to be in a gallery of terrible album covers. This is genuinely amazing.
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5. Raymond Devos - Au theatre des varietes
Did you know, "Au theatre des varietes" is actually French for "maniac takes harp on lawnmower and wears inappropriate loafers"?
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6. Music For Your Plants
The only thing that will grow while this record is on is the desire to turn it off.
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7. Nigel Kennedy - Mendelssohn, Bruch, Schubert
Who knew that Nik Kershaw took a classical detour in the 80s? Only kidding. But it does seem that the great Nigel Kennedy has controversially decided to print his score on his waistcoat. It's a nice idea, not sure how it'll work in concert.
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8. Holst - The Planets, Sir Adrian Boult, Vienna State Philharmonic Orchestra
Much like an eclipse, it's best not to stare directly at it.
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9. Opera Swing Quartet - Easy To Handel
See what they did there? Handel? Handle? 'Cos they're lifting it? Yeah? Ah, forget it…
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10. Don Dorsey - BachBusters
Bach was known for his keyboard prowess and his intricate finger work, but what the inimitable Don Dorsey has cleverly done is update it to the 20th century. Specifically, to a hybrid of Harold Faltermeyer and Liberace. From 1985. Well-tempered keytar, anyone?
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11. Anssi Karttunen, Esa-Pekka Salonen, London Sinfonietta
Because nothing says 'modern cello works' like a terrifying painting of Donald Duck in a smoking jacket.
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12. Villa Lobos - Alma Brasileira, Michael Tilson Thomas, New World Symphony
Shades? Check. Baggy red shirt? Check. Parrot? Check. Get the maracas out, it's time to make some music!
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13. A Lindberg Extravaganza
We're not going to lie. Christian Lindberg features quite heavily in this gallery. Here he is, standing proudly on top of a mountain holding two trombones and wearing what looks like a velour cycling jersey from 1987.
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14. Christian Lindberg - Trombone Odyssey
Here's Christian again, this time fully embracing Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' era and borrowing his wife's leather boots.
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15. Christian Lindberg - All The Lonely People
Blimey, Christian. Way to pull on the heart strings.
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16. Khachaturian - Constantine Orbelian, Spiritual Revival Choir of Russia
What better way to depict the rich romance, social conscience and balletic beauty of the music of Aram Khachaturian? An orange Dracula font and Bela Lugosi-esque picture, obviously.
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17. Mozart at the Movies
The more you look at this one, the better it gets. The keyboard lapel-lining. The 'attempt' at a convincing Amadeus poster. The two bits of popcorn that Maestro Salieri (is that who it is? He's IN the film!) seems to have dropped. It's too much.
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18. Hao Jiang Tian - Operatic Arias
Not only has Hao Jiang Tian opted for the controversial '90s boyband' technique of sitting on a chair, he's also brought his faithful hound along with him too.
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19. Herbert von Karajan - Grieg, Sibelius
When the great Herbert von Karajan wasn't conducting, he liked nothing more than capsizing other people's boats with a mournful expression on his face.
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20. The Three Tenors - A Tenors Christmas
Looks like José was the designated driver at this year's Three Tenors office party.
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21. Carl Orff - Carmina Burana, Seiji Ozawa, Berlin Philharmonic
Sometimes the hotel pool just isn't as secluded as you'd like. Pass the soap, someone?
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22. Lara St. John - Bach Partitas
Violinist Lara St. John there, demonstrating the missing link between Bach and the Old Spice advert.
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23. Hanus, Eben, Haas - Risonanza
It's difficult to know where to start with this one. The weird underscores in the titles, the creepy guy in the background, the other guy's fixation with jewellery… answers on a postcard.
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24. Julian Lloyd Webber - Travels With My Cello
In this mildly unsettling depiction of one man's quest to ensure his instrument isn't dropped by the baggage handlers, the thing we're still drawn to most is that incredible jumper.
