Women can't be conductors and here are all the reasons why

Anu Tali © Kaupo Kikkas

You may have heard that some conductors are now women. Should they be? We're settling the question once and for all… 

Their hands are too small to make the noises go loud enough

Mirga Gražinytė-Tyla disagrees.

 Mirga Grazinyte-Tyla

Their lady brains get confused when counting to 8

Simone Young does not have time for this.

Simone Young 

Batons can actually be really heavy

Marin Alsop cannot believe you just said that

Marin Alsop's conducting masterclass

It's not a woman's job 

Gemma New's Linkedin profile suggests otherwise

Gemma New Instagram

Because it's not ladylike

Barbara Hannigan does not see the relevance

The audience might get distracted by their flicky ponytails

Alondra de la Parra refuses to tone down the flickiness

Alondra de la Parra

Lady conductors will be late for concerts because they can’t decide what to wear

Baltimore Symphony Orchestra and Marin Alsop are going to pretend they didn't hear that

They might chip their fingernails while conducting a particularly dramatic bit of Beethoven

Do you want to try saying that to Nadia Boulanger? 

Nadia Boulanger

They might cry while conducting La bohème

The brilliant JoAnn Falletta can't hear you over some epically sweeping strings.

JoAnn Falletta conductor Ulster Orchestra

There are no fluffy animals in Wagner

Anu Tali cares not a fig for fluffy animals

Anu Tali

It'll never catch on

Imogen Holst (born 1907) says the 18th century called and it wants its views back.   

Imogen Holst

The hems of their gowns might fray on the podium

Xian Zhang just finds this one funny, so…

Xian Zhang

Who will take the time to explain the complexities of Stravinsky to them?

This is Susanna Mälkki – she's conducting the Ensemble Intercontemporain. She wonders if you could repeat the question.

Susanna Malkki conducts the Ensemble Intercontempo

Stop trying to make it happen. There are none.