On Air Now
Smooth Classics with Margherita Taylor 10pm - 1am
26 totally cringe-worthy music jokes
The best (and worst) musical jokes. Did you hear the one about the viola...?
-
1. Classical music jokes
What's the difference between a conductor and God? God doesn't think he's a conductor.
-
2. The composer who was Haydn
Why couldn't the string quartet find their composer? He was Haydn.
-
3. Beethoven's favourite
What is Beethoven's favourite fruit? "Ba-na-na-naaaaa"
-
4. Schoenberg's tonic
Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar. "I'll have a gin please, but no tonic"
-
5. Karajan luggage
Why was the former conductor of the Berlin Philharmonic always first off the plane? Because he only had Karajan luggage.
-
6. Liszt making
There are so many jokes about this composer. I could make you a Liszt.
-
7. Handel goes shopping
Why didn't Handel go shopping? Because he was Baroque. Image credit: Elliott Brown
-
8. Bach organ stops
Why did JS Bach have so many children? Because he didn't have any organ stops
-
9. Quavers in a bar
Why didn't the bouncer let the quavers into the bar? Because they were slurring. Image: Thomas Hawk
-
10. Classical music jokes
How do you fix a broken brass instrument? With a tuba glue.
-
-
11. Classical music jokes
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.
-
12. Classical music jokes
How can you tell if a singer's at your door? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
-
13. Classical music jokes
What's the difference between a viola and an onion? No one cries when you cut up a viola.
-
14. Classical music jokes
Middle C, E flat and G walk into a bar. "Sorry," the barman said. "We don't serve minors."
-
15. Classical music jokes
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep? Pay them for the pizza.
-
-
16. Classical music jokes
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline? You take your shoes off the jump on a trampoline.
-
17. Classical music jokes
How does a soprano sing a scale? Do, Re, Mi, Me, Me, Me, Me ME!
-
18. Classical music jokes
What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
-
19. Classical music jokes
What's the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw a banjo in the bin and it lands on an accordion.
-
20. Classical music jokes
Why did the buy a Pavarotti album? Because he loved the high Cs.
-
-
21. Classical music jokes
Knock knock, who's there? Philip Glass. Knock knock, who's there? Philip Glass. Knock knock, who's there? Philip Glass.
-
22. Classical music jokes
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone's relieved when the case is closed.
-
23. Classical music jokes
What's the difference between a chainsaw and a saxophone? You can tune a chainsaw.
-
24. Classical music jokes
How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb. One. She just holds on and the world revolves around her.
-
25. Classical music jokes
A percussionist, tired from being ridiculed by other musicians, decides to change instruments. He walks into a music shop and says, "I'll take that red trumpet over there, and that accordion." After a second, the shop assistant says, "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator stays."
-
-
26. Classical music jokes
Two back desk orchestral players go fishing and one falls out of the boat. He screams: "Help, I don't know how to swim!" His partner replies: "Just fake it!"
