Skip to content
    skip to navigation

    Classic FM

    Listen

    On Air Now

    Alexander Armstrong 9am - 12pm

    Alexander Armstrong

    Now Playing

    Concierto de Aranjuez (3) Joaquin Rodrigo Download 'Concierto de Aranjuez (3)' on iTunes

    Concierto de Aranjuez (3) artwork
    • Playlist
    • Schedule
    • Home
    • Radio
    • News
    • Discover Music
    • Composers
    • Artists
    • Lifestyle
    • Win
    • Charity
    • Podcasts
    • Events
    • Dating
    • Follow us on:
      Follow Classic FM on Twitter
      Follow Classic FM on Facebook
      Follow Classic FM on Instagram
      Follow Classic FM on Youtube

    Discover Music

    • Discover Music Home
    • Periods & Genres
    • Occasions
    • Mood
    • Instruments
    • Music Theory
    • Learning
    • Humour
    • Women in Music
    • More Classic FM

    28 cringe-worthy classical music jokes that you need in your life

    Facebook share Twitter share

    The best (and worst) musical jokes. Did you hear the one about the viola?

    1. Arnold Schoenberg joke

      1. Schoenberg's tonic

      Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar. "I'll have a gin please, but no tonic"

    2. Classical music jokes

      2. Conductors

      What's the difference between a conductor and God? God doesn't think he's a conductor.

    3. Haydn joke

      3. The composer who was Haydn

      Why couldn't the string quartet find their composer? He was Haydn.

    4. Beethoven's favourite fruit joke

      4. Beethoven's favourite

      What is Beethoven's favourite fruit? "Ba-na-na-naaaaa"

    5. karajan joke

      5. Karajan luggage

      Why was the former conductor of the Berlin Philharmonic always first off the plane? Because he only had Karajan luggage.

    6. Bach organ stops

      6. Bach organ stops

      Why did JS Bach have so many children? Because he didn't have any organ stops

    7. Liszt joke

      7. Liszt making

      There are so many jokes about this composer. I could make you a Liszt.

    8. Musical joke – shopping

      8. Handel goes shopping

      Why didn't Handel go shopping? Because he was Baroque. Image credit: Elliott Brown

    9. Verdi's airport adventure

      9. Verdi's airport adventure

      Don't miss your flight, Guiseppe!

    10. Music jokes quavers in a bar

      10. Quavers in a bar

      Why didn't the bouncer let the quavers into the bar? Because they were slurring. Image: Thomas Hawk

    11. Classical music jokes

      11. Tuba glue

      How do you fix a broken brass instrument? With a tuba glue.

    12. Classical music jokes

      12. A flat minor

      What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

    13. Classical music jokes

      13. Singers

      How can you tell if a singer's at your door? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.

    14. Classical music jokes

      14. Violas

      What's the difference between a viola and an onion? No one cries when you cut up a viola.

    15. Classical music jokes

      15. Minors

      Middle C, E flat and G walk into a bar. "Sorry," the barman said. "We don't serve minors."

    16. Classical music jokes

      16. Trombonists

      How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep? Pay them for the pizza.

    17. Classical music jokes

      17. The bassoon and the trampoline

      What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline? You take your shoes off the jump on a trampoline.

    18. Classical music jokes

      18. Sopranos

      How does a soprano sing a scale? Do, Re, Mi, Me, Me, Me, Me ME!

    19. Classical music jokes

      19. Musicians

      What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

    20. Classical music jokes

      20. Perfect pitch

      What's the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw a banjo in the bin and it lands on an accordion.

    21. Classical music jokes

      21. Pirate

      Why did the pirate buy a Pavarotti album? Because he loved the high Cs.

    22. Classical music jokes

      22. Knock Knock

      Knock knock, who's there? Philip Glass. Knock knock, who's there? Philip Glass. Knock knock, who's there? Philip Glass.

    23. Classical music jokes

      23. Viola and a lawsuit

      What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone's relieved when the case is closed.

    24. Classical music jokes

      24. Chainsaw

      What's the difference between a chainsaw and a saxophone? You can tune a chainsaw.

    25. Classical music jokes

      25. Light bulb

      How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb. One. She just holds on and the world revolves around her.

    26. Classical music jokes

      26. Fire extinguisher

      A percussionist, tired from being ridiculed by other musicians, decides to change instruments. He walks into a music shop and says, "I'll take that red trumpet over there, and that accordion." After a second, the shop assistant says, "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator stays."

    27. Classical music jokes

      27. Back desk players

      Two back desk orchestral players go fishing and one falls out of the boat. He screams: "Help, I don't know how to swim!" His partner replies: "Just fake it!"

    28. Double bass joke

      28. Double bass lessons

      Son, what did you learn at your first double bass lesson?

    Facebook share Twitter share

    Discover music

    See more Discover music

    Ludovico Einaudi surprises young fan at airport piano

    Ludovico Einaudi surprises young fan in spontaneous airport piano duet

    22 hours ago

    Einaudi

    William is a 10-year-old senior chorister at Ripon Cathedral

    Choirboy William, 10, says singing in a cathedral choir helps manage his arthritis pain

    1 day ago

    9-year-old girl plays 'Titanic' theme in South Africa shopping mall

    9-year-old pianist scores duet deal after viral shopping centre video

    1 day ago

    What classical music is in Spielberg’s ‘The Fabelmans’?

    What classical music is in Spielberg’s ‘The Fabelmans’, and does Michelle Williams really play the piano?

    5 days ago

    Williams

    Best piano works

    The 16 best pieces EVER written for piano

    5 days ago

    15 most famous opera songs and arias

    15 most famous opera songs and arias

    5 days ago

    Best classical music

    See more Best classical music

    10 pieces of classical music that will 100% change your life

    10 pieces of classical music that will 100% change your life

    4 eras of classical music

    The 4 eras of classical music: a quick guide

    The 15 most famous tunes in classical music

    The 15 most famous tunes in classical music

    Women composers gallery

    21 of the greatest women composers in classical music

    Best pianists of all time

    The 25 best pianists of all time

    Some of history's greatest composers were part of the LGBTQ+ community.

    15 LGBTQ+ composers in classical music history that you probably already know

    Classic FM Live Playlists

    See more Classic FM Live Playlists

    Classic FM Hall of Fame

    Classic FM Pet Classics

    Classic FM at the Movies

    Classic FM Relax

    Classic FM Revision

    Classic FM Christmas

    Browse by

    See more Browse by

    Periods & genres

    Occasions

    Moods

    Instruments

    Latest on Classic FM

    Zeb Soanes, Moira Stuart, Alexander Armstrong

    Audience growth for Classic FM as it welcomes 5 million weekly listeners

    McDonald's in Wrexham to play Beethoven after 5pm to deter loiterers

    McDonald’s restaurant in Wales to play Beethoven to tackle late-night antisocial behaviour

    Beethoven

    This week’s on-air highlights – including Album of the Week and Drive Discovery.

    This week’s Classic FM radio highlights – including Album of the Week and Drive Discovery

    A smaller, but still immense, 5,000 strong choir in Japan sing Beethoven’s ‘Ode to Joy’

    Listen to this 10,000-strong Japanese megachoir sing Beethoven’s ‘Ode to Joy’

    Beethoven

    The traditional ‘piping in of the haggis’

    The haggis gets its own entrance music on Burns Night – here’s what it sounds like

    9-year-old violinist Sora Lavorgna plays Richter's 'Summer 1' in finals of 'Prodiges'

    9-year-old violin prodigy plays Max Richter’s thrilling take on Vivaldi ‘Summer’ in talent show finale

    Kelvin Harrison Jr. stars as Joseph Boulogne in 'Chevalier' (2023)

    ‘Chevalier’ film: plot, release date, cast and all details about the Joseph Boulogne biopic

    Classic FM Live at the Royal Albert Hall in October 2022

    Classic FM Live 2023 at the Royal Albert Hall: get your tickets to enjoy opera’s greatest hits!

    Events

    Martha Argerich Performs With The Youth Orchestra de Bahia in 2018

    Pianist Martha Argerich cancels performances due to heart-related health condition

    Martha Argerich

    John Williams makes history as oldest person to be nominated for an Academy Award

    John Williams makes history as oldest person to be nominated for an Academy Award

    Back to top

    Also on Classic FM

    • Listen to Global Player
    • Alexander Armstrong on Classic FM
    • Google Doodle
    • Quizzes
    • Mozart
    • Debussy
    • Music theory
    • Instruments
    • Classic FM Live
    • Brahms
    • Vivaldi
    • Bach
    • LBC News
    • Tchaikovsky
    • Chopin
    • Andrea Bocelli
    • Florence Price
    • Beethoven
    • Best classical music
    • Classic FM Requests
    • Best pianists
    • Harry Potter music
    • Saturday Night at the Movies
    • Star Wars soundtrack
    • Composer or pasta
    • Music for Studying
    • Best violinists
    • Classical music tearjerkers
    • Relaxing classical

    Useful Links

    • Contact Us
    • Help
    • How To Listen
    • About Classic FM
    • Company Details
    • Cookies
    • Privacy
    • Terms & Conditions
    • Advertise
    • Global Jobs

    Download the app

    Get it on the app store Get it on Google Play

    Follow Us

    Follow Classic FM on Twitter
    Follow Classic FM on Facebook
    Follow Classic FM on Instagram
    Follow Classic FM on Youtube
    © Global 2023
    30 Leicester Square, London, WC2H 7LA
    Privacy Manager