11 things they didn’t tell you about playing the flute
15 February 2019, 12:26 | Updated: 15 February 2019, 12:31
No-one knows what to call you, dogs are scared of you and your arms will always ache. Sorry, fluterers.
Here are the terrible things no one ever told you about playing the flute...
You are haunted by band camp references
"So have you ever actually been to band ca-"NOPE. NO I HAVEN'T.
Your arms are in a constant state of fatigue
No one ever told you that holding such a small instrument could be so achey.
No one knows what to call you
Flutist? Flautist? Fluterer? Ah, forget it...
No one can hear you
Thanks, other orchestra people, for drowning out everything we're playing. You just can't compete with the brass. *sigh*
You have a love-hate relationship with the piccolo
Sure, composers have written some cracking solos for it. But its ultrasonic squeaks might deafen you first.
There's a lot of spit.
Every time you lower your instrument, there will be some unwanted leakage. It will probably drip all over your shoes.
Ledger lines are your enemy
Composers don't care about giving you nice, logical sheet music. Blame them for your misery.
You might feel like you’re going to pass out from all the deep breathing
Thanks to all those composers who assumed you'd never need to breathe (thx Mozart), playing your instrument becomes a health hazard. Avoid outdoor concerts in extreme heats – they are not your friend.
Make-up is a problem
Beware of the flute beard, flutists. The metal in mouthpieces doesn't react well with make-up, and might turn your chin a lovely bluey-green colour. Start bringing make-up wipes with you, in case of emergency.
You end up accidentally hitting everyone with your instrument
Who knew such a tiny thing could be such a hazard?
Dogs hate you
They see your tiny fingers moving. They hear your mouth squeaking. They don't like it. Consider getting a cat instead.