11 things they didn’t tell you about playing the flute

8 August 2018, 17:04 | Updated: 10 August 2018, 09:36

11 things they didn’t tell you about playing the flute
11 things they didn’t tell you about playing the flute. Picture: Giphy

By Maddy Shaw Roberts

No-one knows what to call you, dogs are scared of you and your arms will always ache. Sorry, fluterers.

Here are the terrible things no one ever told you about playing the flute...

  1. You are haunted by band camp references

    "So have you ever actually been to band ca-"NOPE. NO I HAVEN'T.

    via GIPHY
  2. Your arms are in a constant state of fatigue

    No one ever told you that holding such a small instrument could be so achey.

    via GIPHY
  3. No one knows what to call you

    Flutist? Flautist? Fluterer? Ah, forget it...

    via GIPHY
  4. No one can hear you

    Thanks, other orchestra people, for drowning out everything we're playing. You just can't compete with the brass. *sigh*

    via GIPHY
  5. You have a love-hate relationship with the piccolo

    Sure, composers have written some cracking solos for it. But its ultrasonic squeaks might deafen you first.

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  6. There's a lot of spit.

    Every time you lower your instrument, there will be some unwanted leakage. It will probably drip all over your shoes.

    via GIPHY
  7. Ledger lines are your enemy

    Composers don't care about giving you nice, logical sheet music. Blame them for your misery.

  8. You might feel like you’re going to pass out from all the deep breathing

    Thanks to all those composers who assumed you'd never need to breathe (thx Mozart), playing your instrument becomes a health hazard. Avoid outdoor concerts in extreme heats – they are not your friend.

    via GIPHY
  9. Make-up is a problem

    Beware of the flute beard, flutists. The metal in mouthpieces doesn't react well with make-up, and might turn your chin a lovely bluey-green colour. Start bringing make-up wipes with you, in case of emergency.

    via GIPHY
  10. You end up accidentally hitting everyone with your instrument

    Who knew such a tiny thing could be such a hazard?

    via GIPHY
  11. Dogs hate you

    They see your tiny fingers moving. They hear your mouth squeaking. They don't like it. Consider getting a cat instead.