The 10 worst things about playing the violin
4 May 2018, 17:36
Violinist's neck is not to be taken lightly... We run through the 10 absolute worst things about playing the violin.
1. Violinist's neck
Is that a love-bite? A weird rash?! Oh. No. You're a violinist.
2. Excessive leger lines
"Hang on, so let me count how many lines above the stave… one, two… so that'll be a-OH GREAT I'VE MISSED IT."
3. Double, triple and quadruple-stopping
Just take a look at the score for Paganini's Caprice No. 22 and weep for the memory of both your fingers and your bowing arm.
4. Supporting your clearly inferior desk partner
Unless, of course, you are that clearly inferior desk partner. In which case, congratulations: you're making money for doing nothing!
5. Severe finger trauma
You've successfully finished your recital and you're ready to bathe in the adoration of your audience. Your fingers, however, have approximately 11% of the skin they used to have and the sight of them will make a grown man cry.
6. Shattered rosin all over your beautiful violin
"What's this? Some sort of beautiful pixie dust to make my violin look even more wonderful? No. My rosin exploded in the case and now everything smells horrendous and sticks to me."
(via Steve Snodgrass)
7. When the conductor suggests new different fingerings to the ones you've learned
And obviously everyone has to do exactly the same ones.
8. Stock photos of violinists are literally always the worst
Look at the bow hold. Look at the bow hold!
9. Over-enthusiastic section leaders
Yes, we heard you exchanging bowing ideas with the conductor. Yes, we saw you gesticulate ridiculously at the beginning of the last movement. No, we're not impressed.
10. You will never look like David Garrett playing Paganini in that Paganini film
Smoulder all you want. It'll never happen.