10 highly annoying things only classical musicians do
Musicians, musos, music geeks, nerds and aficionados… you've got a lot to answer for. Here's a compendium of the most annoying habits in the classical music world.
1. Constantly saying singers on TV are flat
"Ooh, somebody put the crystal champagne flutes away, quick! My delicate musical ears can't handle it!"
2. Air-conducting at concerts
The orchestra. They can't see you. Stop it.
(via Law Street)
3. Reading along with the score at concerts
What are you going to do if the tuba makes a mistake or the triangle misses an entry? Get them to do it again? Would you take your annotated copy of Othello along to The Globe?! Stop this madness now!
4. Harmonising at random
You know when you just can't resist going a third above the melody and seeing how it sounds? It's annoying. It may as well sound like this:
This is a percussionist speciality. Specific to them is the need to incessantly tap things in their vicinity in complex rhythmic patterns completely incomprehensible to the layman.
6. Obsessing over the quality of audio hi-fi equipment
Do you absolutely have to be able to hear the timpani player blowing his nose as the orchestra race into the Dies Irae? Just buy an iPod dock like everyone else. Don't be like this guy: "Look at the speakers… look at the beauty!"
7. Excessively emotional facial expressions
We get it. A lot of the time, this is totally justified. We're just a little concerned that the wind is going to change and you'll be stuck like that.
8. Viola jokes
It seems like good fun, but it's basically bullying. Please, next time you see a viola player, give them a hug. (Is it too much to start a #hugaviolist campaign?)
(via Sound and Fury)
'Tchaik', 'Rach' and 'Shost' are the musician equivalents of office jargon. How much time do you actually save by neglecting those extra syllables?
10. Being obsessively protective of musical body parts
"You say you just want to shake my hand, but that's my bowing hand! How do I know you won't crush every single bone in my lower arm?!"