On Air Now
Cowan's Classics with Rob Cowan 7pm - 9pm
31 terrible stock photos of classical musicians
Some are weird, some are ridiculous, some are cheesy - it seems that as soon as you put classical music into stock photos, it looks horrendous. Here are some of the worst generic photos of musicians and classical music in general that we've come across. The horror...
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1. Rhapsody in Bath
Because sometimes, you just need to glissando. And bathe.
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2. Teaching an old dog?
"Seriously, he's useless at the piano. He just dribbles."
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3. Eurovision
Iceland were unable to provide transport to the Eurovision Song Contest for their musicians this year.
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4. Eeeeey!
... Eeeeeey!!
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5. Backhanded violin
Maybe he'd drop in some more money if your violin was round the right way.
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6. See no evil
Sometimes, I like to use my cello to block out the horrors of real life. Just for fun, y'know.
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7. Trumpet boy with accessories
My love is like a red, red rose. With a trumpet. And a cane.
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8. Words fail us.
OK. Does anyone have ANY idea what's happening here?
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9. Trombone al fresco
Because the park is the most natural place in the world you'd expect to find a sunglasses-wearing trombonist. In a fisherman's beanie hat.
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10. Ummm
"Playing naked just really allows me to feel the music, you know?"
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11. The Loner
Practice is over, pal. Go home.
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12. Well this is awkward.
Wow, seriously, if you want some time alone, just say...
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13. Strictly Come... whatever this is
This is how REAL musicians get famous.
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14. What's that note?
We're not flute experts, but we're pretty sure you need to have at least some of your fingers on the keys to make it work.
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15. What's that note? V2
We can excuse some freedom of realism, but this is some of the worst violin technique we've ever seen. Call that a bowgrip? And you should be bowing IN FRONT of the fingerboard. Madam, whoever your teacher is, you need to sack them.
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16. Stay away from the light
This is how they do piano lessons in Eli Roth movies.
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17. Getting closer...
Even cellists aren't safe! Watch out for the weird light!
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18. Closer still!
Someone think of the children!
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19. Oh wait...
...it's going. Panic over.
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20. They cannot be a real string quartet
Unless Baz Luhrmann is planning on remaking 'A Late Quartet'.
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21. Violin al fresco
Another foray into the great outdoors. Perfect time for a Bach Partita, obvs.
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22. The Fury
Top marks for effort. We're terrified.
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23. The Artful Dodger
"Shine your shoes for a penny, suh?"
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24. Romance
What every girl wants. Flowers and a clarinet.
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25. Violin al fresco V2
Another nap in the park with that staple of outdoor pursuits, the violin.
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26. Yep...
...it's a violin.
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27. The great outdoors
Extreme Strictly Come Dancing.
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28. The ultimate conductor gesture
"Seriously, STOP."
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29. Followed by...
"OK, carry on." Nice hair flick, too.
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30. Violin al fresco V3
If a man plays a tiny white violin in the woods, does it make a sound?
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31. Flute or cello?
Give a flute to a cellist, this is what you get.
