On Air Now
Classic FM Drive with John Brunning 5pm - 7pm
1 December 2017, 14:15
The absolute worst things about being a pianist, from expensive instruments to transport fails and snipers. If you're a pianist, you'll know.
Never try to move a piano without first insuring yourself against absolutely every eventuality. Otherwise, this will definitely happen:
2. Electric pianos
They're essential for practice, of course, but come on. This is ridiculous.
(Via The Distraction Network)
3. Pianos are a tad pricey
So you need something to practice on, and you're sick of the synthetic experience of an electric keyboard. Well, it's probably time to consider robbing a bank or fixing the lottery.
The piano competition is the chance to prove yourself to an audience, to yourself and, most importantly, to some hard-nosed judges. But the pressure is immense and can sometimes lead to incidents like this harrowing display of bottle-tapping. Ugh, the embarrassment…
5. When there's a piano in the pub
"Come on, you can play the piano! Give us a tune now! Make it a good one that everyone knows the words to and you can play flawlessly while drunk and under the scrutiny of an entire building of revellers!"
6. Attempting to recreate the Lang Lang pose
Yeah. You're going to fall off the stool at the end of this concert.
But tbf, look at him go:
7. You are a solitary creature
Being a pianist means that, more often than not, you're on your own. No space for you in the orchestra unless it's a concerto. No place in the chamber ensemble unless there's budget to move a Steinway. No practice room hi-jinks unless you pay people to hang out with you.
8. Hand cramps
You think your fingers are over-stretched? Robert Schumann, the composer and apparent medical psychopath, made a contraption to actually yank his fingers beyond their natural reach. The result? He couldn't play the piano any more. Nice work, genius.
So if a violin goes out of tune, you just wiggle the knobs. If you're singing slightly flat, you go up a bit. If your piano's out of tune you either have to hire someone to invade your home for several hours or deal with this kind of reaction:
10. Playing from memory
So this one affects a lot of musicians, but if a pianist has a last-minute memory abandonment issue, this happens (alright, it ends up being a win, but still. Look at her face when she realises. LOOK AT IT!)
11. Also, dogs are sometimes better than you
And they bow very gracefully, too.