Prepare your ears for absolute filth.
Late for rehearsal? Negotiating a tricky key signature? Forgotten your instrument? We’ve got the correct reaction for you.
I’m late for rehearsal and must attempt to enter without being detected
Haven’t practised, lesson imminent
That organ voluntary was really, really something
Someone played a wrong note, and it was me
Your desk partner has just spent the last minute miming the fingering from your solo as you played it
Milking your walk-on when you’re concertmaster
‘We’re pleased to announce that the backstage bar is now open.’
When you just don’t understand why everyone likes Nimrod so much
This key signature is unexpectedly complex and I’m having a hard time dealing with it
‘After this piece, we’ll break for tea.’
When your teacher just makes a funny face when you’ve finished playing something
‘Good news, your comp seats are next to the classical music critics!’
The complete works of Richard Wagner
When you’ve been given an incredibly important solo and you’re trying to conceal your sense of justice
Well, I can play violin, so viola is probably really easy. Let me have a go.
The horn entry in Beethoven’s Eroica, first movement
When someone asks you what your actual job is, apart from being a musician
What do I do for a living? I’m a musician.