The 12 worst things about being a ballet dancer
5 October 2017, 09:48
Being a ballet dancer means a life of intense competition, sewing and, occasionally, extreme face-planting. Dancers, here are the worst things about being you.
1. The competition is ridiculous
Oh, you didn't get the role you wanted? Someone else beat you to it? You'd better deal with it. Or, y'know, pick a fight.
2. You can never wear sandals.
And you’re more or less ok with that. Most of the time.
3. You need a glossary when talking to non-dancers
"See you at the barre!" "Mine's a pint!"
4. When someone cuts in front of you on stage
"It doesn't matter that we didn't choreograph this, honestly, you take the limelight…"
5. Most people's ballet reference point is Natalie Portman in The Black Swan
This is not what it is like, people.
6. Sometimes you just want to dad-dance
But everyone expects a pirouette.
7. Sewing ribbons on pointe shoes
Endless. ENDLESS ribbons.
8. You can’t hear a song without dreaming up some choreography to go with it.
Shake it off, shake it off and PAS DE CHAT
9. Casting announcements
"Yes! I always wanted to be understudy for Waiter No. 3 for the whole of March and April!"
10. You always nail a perfect triple pirouette…
When no one's watching.
11. You are surrounded by hair grips.
But when you really need one, there are none to be found.
12. Everything you own smells of Tiger Balm.
Actually, on second thoughts. This can be added to the 'great things' column.
But you'll always be proud to be a bunhead…
Picture: Vadim Muntagirov and Lauren Cuthbertson in The Royal Ballet's The Two Pigeons. ©ROH, 2015. Photographed by Bill Cooper