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20 things musicians have definitely never said

"I'm free all weekend!" and a collection of other sentences you'd absolutely never hear from a classical musician.

1. Page-turner

"Thank you, faithful page-turner. You have acknowledged my cues, and you have done me proud." - No pianist ever
2. Hotel rooms

“It’s OK, I love the hotel room and the concert hall. I don’t need to see the rest of the city.” - No musician ever
3. 12-tone music

“I often listen to 12-tone music at home for fun, not just when I have to play it myself.” - No musician ever
4. Bolero

"We're playing Bolero? I cannot wait for this!" - No orchestral drummer ever
5. Free time

"Actually, I'm free all weekend." - No musician ever
6. Luggage

"Yeah, just stick it in the hold with my other luggage." - No musician ever.
7. Rehearsal

"Rehearsal's over? I think it's time to head straight home for bed." - No musician ever
8. Wagner

"And now, the orchestra will play that helicopter song by Wagner." - No musician ever
9. Wedding

"You want me to play Pachelbel's Canon at your wedding? What a delightfully different choice!" - No musician ever
10. Big violin

"You're right, it is actually a big violin. Thanks for noticing." - No cellist ever
11. You take the solo

"You take the solo. You've earned it." - No soprano ever
12. Coughing

"Please, don't mind me. Cough. Cough all you like." - No musician ever
13. Oboe

"Alright! A perfect 'A' first time!" - No oboist ever
14. Money

"I'm happy to play at your event in return for publicity and exposure. Money is not a motivating factor to an artist such as myself." - No musician ever
15. Rests

Of course I counted every single one of those bars of rest and know precisely when I'll be coming in." - No musician ever
16. Scales

"Oh scales, why can't you just be a piece of your own?" - No musician ever
17. Phantom

"Yes, I suppose 'Phantom' is a real opera." - No musician ever
18. Theory

"Frankly, I only did the practical exams so that I could get better at music theory." - No musician ever
19. Clothes pegs

"Clothes pegs? In this gorgeous weather? Nah... We won't need them." - No musician ever
20. The Ring Cycle

"The Ring Cycle in one sitting without subtitles? Sign me up!" - No musician ever