How to play woodwind instruments, according to terrible stock photos
If you want to be an awful woodwind player, then do what these guys do.
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1. Sit awkwardly
Sit in the least comfiest chair possible, preferably with your legs up to make it harder to breathe. Photo: iStock
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2. Exercise
Run, hop, skip and jump - whatever it takes to get you as out of breath as possible. They do it in the movies, right? Photo: iStock
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3. Pets
If you can master playing with one hand, you can cuddle your favourite pet with the other. Pets love being forced to listen to you practice. Photo: iStock
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4. Push your boundaries
Break down those barriers. Jump the hurdles. If that all fails, just use your instrument as a battering ram to knock down anything in your path. Photo: iStock
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5. Or just don't practice at all
Your teacher loves it when you have a really good excuse for not practicing, for example: "I couldn't practice because I didn't know how to attach the mouthpiece." Photo: iStock
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6. Decorate your instrument
Invest in some paint, or maybe some stickers. Hanging things from your instrument is also really cool and won't get in the way at all. Photo: iStock
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7. You've got to look the part
Style over comfort/practicality, always. Photo: iStock
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8. Find the perfect spot
Spend 90% of your practice time venturing to find the perfect practice spot, and 10% actually practicing. Because sitting in a bush will not hurt at all. Photo: iStock
