How to play woodwind instruments, according to terrible stock photos

If you want to be an awful woodwind player, then do what these guys do.

1. 

   1. Sit awkwardly

   Sit in the least comfiest chair possible, preferably with your legs up to make it harder to breathe. Photo: iStock

2. 

   2. Exercise

   Run, hop, skip and jump - whatever it takes to get you as out of breath as possible. They do it in the movies, right? Photo: iStock

3. 

   3. Pets

   If you can master playing with one hand, you can cuddle your favourite pet with the other. Pets love being forced to listen to you practice. Photo: iStock

4. 

   4. Push your boundaries

   Break down those barriers. Jump the hurdles. If that all fails, just use your instrument as a battering ram to knock down anything in your path. Photo: iStock

5. 

   5. Or just don't practice at all

   Your teacher loves it when you have a really good excuse for not practicing, for example: "I couldn't practice because I didn't know how to attach the mouthpiece." Photo: iStock

7. 

   6. Decorate your instrument

   Invest in some paint, or maybe some stickers. Hanging things from your instrument is also really cool and won't get in the way at all. Photo: iStock

8. 

   7. You've got to look the part

   Style over comfort/practicality, always. Photo: iStock

9. 

   8. Find the perfect spot

   Spend 90% of your practice time venturing to find the perfect practice spot, and 10% actually practicing. Because sitting in a bush will not hurt at all. Photo: iStock

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