On Air Now
The Full Works Concert with Jane Jones 8pm - 10pm
13 August 2019, 16:35 | Updated: 13 August 2019, 16:39
A thorough and in-depth exploration and dissection of classical music imagery in stock photography.
We really love it when anyone picks up a musical instrument to play, but if you're falling asleep on your violin bridge you're probably doing it wrong...
Somewhere, in a parallel universe, is a world where classical music and stock photography exist in sweet harmony. Not this universe, though.
Here is an exhaustive guide of how not to play musical instruments. Please, proceed with caution.
We're not sure this is *quite* what Beethoven meant when he wrote 'relaxed' in the performance directions...
Who signed off on this? We just want to talk.
An expression that comes in handy when you play the wrong note. Useful for passing on the blame to the person next to you.
The face you make when Pachelbel drops a dirty bassline.
This is your teacher's exact expression every time you turn up without practising. Believe us, they can tell.
... but ~*JaZz*~
That posture can't be any good for his breath control.
Pride Rock parallels aside, can someone check in with the stylist for this shoot? We have many questions...
He looks about as uncomfortable as we feel.
*No cellos were harmed in the creation of this photo (we hope).
Apparently chin rests also make really comfortable pillows. Who knew?
A visual depiction of how musical directors see wind players.
When you've done nothing but tone practice for weeks and you still sound like you're just blowing raspberries.
Useful when tuning. If you're horrendously out of tune, scowl at your instrument then try again.
Sure, finding practice time can be tough, but this is one multitasking combination that should never ever ever ever happen.
Open strings are fine but we're fairly sure that your hands should be somewhere near the fretboard... right?
Strong flavours of maplewood and varnish, with subtle notes of tangy rosin and a hint of dust.
Disclaimer: we strongly advise against using musical instruments for self defence. Violins, not violence.
Here we see the cello not at all in its natural habitat...
Because no rehearsal is complete without a pair of oversized sunnies. Of course.
Really though, if your teacher lets you get away with this, you need a new one ASAP.
Technology advances fast, but self-playing clarinets aren't quite here yet.
This double bass looks totally fine to us, but he looks pretty upset. Whatever it is, we're here for you pal.