How to be a conductor, according to terrible stock photos

If you want to be an awful conductor, then do what these guys do.

1. 

   1. Eye conductor

   Always conduct from the eye. That way you can see what you're conducting better. Photo: iStock

2. 

   2. The smell

   Want to appear like you're really into your performance of Mahler 2? Pretend you've just smelled some delicious bread. Photo: iStock

3. 

   3. Hair

   If you're doing it right, your hair will do this. Photo: iStock

4. 

   4. Dad's suit

   If your dad is a conductor, just borrow his suit. Photo: iStock

5. 

   5. Stick

   Lost your baton? Grab some other stick. Photo: iStock

7. 

   6. Gloves

   Always perform in gloves. Like Mickey Mouse. Photo: iStock

8. 

   7. City

   You don't need an orchestra, you just need access to a massive cityscape. Photo: iStock

9. 

   8. Looking up

   Keep your scores on the ceiling. Photo: iStock

10. 

    9. Creepy

    Want to inspire your orchestra? Freak them out by glaring threateningly. Photo: iStock

11. 

    10. Looking up

    Yes, keep looking up at the ceiling. And remember the gloves. Photo: iStock

13. 

    11. Stick

    No money for a baton? Walk to the back of the hall and grab a drumstick. The percussion section won't mind. Photo: iStock

14. 

    12. Rock

    If all else fails, head to the top of a massive rock. Picture: iStock

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