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16 objectively disgusting things all musicians do
15 August 2019, 16:26
When you’re a classical musician, it’s sometimes easy to forget that the rest of the world finds bodily functions gross. Not that it stops us.
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Emptying spit valves onto the floor.
Wet floor by French horns. Picture: Social Media Petition for all brass players to carry a ‘wet floor’ sign everywhere they go...
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Makeup on your chin rest.
Make-up on chin rest. Picture: Plucky Violin Teacher No matter what we do, nothing seems to keep foundation on our faces and not our violins.
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Flute chin.
via GIPHY Any foundation-wearing flute players will have found out the hard way that silver and skincare do not mix. Beware the dark mark beneath your lip.
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Clearing spit bubbles from wind instruments.
We know it's a necessary evil, but that doesn't make it any less gross.
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Soaking reeds in water.
Oboe reeds soaking. Picture: Social Media Thankfully no bodily functions here, but it still makes us a little squeamish. Definitely lawful evil.
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Soaking reeds in spit.
via GIPHY There is literally no excuse for this. Ever. Just don't do it.
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Drinking the water you soaked your reed in.
via GIPHY Seriously? For the love of oboes, just find a drain to pour it down.
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Sweaty conductors.
via GIPHY Don't think you can get away with being gross just because you aren't playing an instrument.
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Breathing down your flute to warm it up.
Tuning is important, but how much longer until someone invents a self-regulating flute? For now, let's just hope you've brushed your teeth beforehand.
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Violin neck.
Ain’t always fun pic.twitter.com/m5kMDrx9In
— Nicola Benedetti (@NickyBenedetti) March 7, 2018An occupational hazard that can make public outings awkward. Keep a scarf handy, just in case.
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Finger calluses.
Guitarist fingers. Picture: Social media They're not hardcore, just gnarly.
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Comparing finger calluses.
via GIPHY Not. A. Competition.
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Bleeding violin fingers.
Bleeding Shostakovich fingers. Picture: Frank Almond/Facebook Okay so, maybe finger calluses are a good thing if they make this less likely. This is about as rock 'n' roll as it gets.
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Bleeding piano fingers.
Blood on piano. Picture: Chris Slaughter/Cincinnati World Piano Competition Writing finger-mashing melodies must be an Eastern European tradition. One pianist bled all over the piano keys playing Bartók at a piano competition!
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Singers: gargling.
via GIPHY Turns out you don't need an instrument to be gross. Really, no one needs to hear this.
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Practising in the bathroom.
via GIPHY Floor to ceiling tiles make for great acoustics, we must admit. But if you stop to think about hygiene... actually, let's not.
