So, what should he play?
Musician Görkem Şen has invented a brand new instrument called the yaybahar and it makes some thoroughly bizarre and delightful noises.
It turns out there are a number of different ways to play the yaybahar, and none of them require the instrument to be plugged into the mains. Which is incredible, really, considering how weird it sounds. In a handy video, Şen shows us exactly how to approach this genius monstrosity.
You can drag a mallet across it for a shimmery sound
And walk off, nonchalantly, in some nice knitwear.
You can tap the ends for a plonky sound
Again, note the quality knitwear, and the stunning beach vista.
You can play the strung bit on the end for a crazy sci-fi bluegrass sound
No knitwear necessary for this one.
Listen to what the yaybahar sounds like
If you want a clue, it's like a sci-fi cello attached to a synthesiser that Aaron Copland stole from Stockhausen's laboratory. With some drums stuck on the end.