Being a double bassist is fraught with double meanings, mispronunciations and personal slights. Here are the worst things about being you.
1. ’Drop the bass’ means something very different to most people
To them, it signals the arrival of a particularly large drop. To you, it’s a nightmare never to be contemplated.
2. Your fingers will experience intense pain
Those strings. They are not smooth.
3. There are many other sorts of bass
It’s confusing. There’s this:
And… err… this:
4. When you say ‘I play the bass’, people picture this
‘No no, the *upright* bass. I know. Sorry.’
5. You will spend most of your life ricocheting between tonic and dominant
Because someone has to.
6. Meghan Trainor has given your beloved instrument a new theme tune
And it’s not the one you asked for.
7. ‘Nice cello!’
8. Your most famous composer is Bottesini
And he doesn’t make it easy for you.
9. And then there’s this age-old transport issue
10. Your car boot will never, ever be big enough
Forget your dreams of a tiny, nippy runabout. You have to have an estate car for the rest of your life.