Percussionists are the misunderstood creatures of the classical music world.
Here's everything that's wrong with being a tenor, from tights to high Cs to that Cornetto advert.
1. Your speaking voice isn’t as impressive as your singing voice
Just because you have the power to wobble the floorboards when you’re singing in front of an audience doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly got the speaking voice of Morgan Freeman. More’s the pity.
2. The dreaded crack
Don’t fear the crack. Own the crack.
3. The nine Cs in La Fille du Regiment
We can’t all be JDF, can we?
4. When you tell people you’re a tenor they immediately think of the Cornetto ad
Who even IS that guy?
5. Sometimes you just want to play the villain
Oh sure, be the heroic tenor, save the princess, get all the high notes… what if you just want to be evil for once?
6. You need at least two tenor friends if you’re going to make any money
Learn from the masters.
7. The ‘lend us a tenor’ joke
Seriously, it wasn’t funny the first time. You have to stop this now.
8. The looming presence of Wagner
You’re going to have to tackle it at some point. More like ‘hold me, tenor’ than Heldentenor, amirite?
9. Excessive tights
Seriously, why the tights? Can’t we do one of those nice modern interpretations where you get a sharp suit and fake cigarettes?
10. Tenor clef isn’t a real clef
It’s not a crowd pleaser like treble, not sexy like a bass clef, and doesn’t have the mystery of alto. No-one uses it.