Oh, just Russia's greatest composer messing about with an expensive new toy.
It's the time of year when people give thanks for the good things in life. And there's one really rather big thing we're thankful for. Here's a clue: it has 12 tones but infinite possibility, beautiful harmony… and bassoons.
Musical terms SOUND beautiful
A quick flick through any music theory book and you've found names for all future pets, children and yachts.
It has the best facial expressions
Whether you're a player or listener, try and get through a Brahms Adagio without looking like this...
Opera is the original emotional roller coaster and provides the greatest spectacles
Your jaw will drop, your knees will weaken, you'll sob with heartbreak and beam with happiness. All at the same time.
It gives us access to an incredible universal language
One fleeting phrase, one monumental chord, orchestral texture so lush you could get lost in it... There are some musical moments that say things that words never can. And we know it when we hear it.
This man is the world's greatest tenor. Thank you.
Classical music history was really cool
There were sword fights, brilliant jibes, uprisings, passionate encounters and unfortunate deaths. Phew. Even the emotional heights of operas like Tchaikovsky's Eugene Onegin (which does, to be fair, include a duel at dawn) don't come close to.
Because there's such a thing as the contrabass
"I just have to drop Jeffrey off to his contrabass lesson" ...said no mother ever.
It's like the coolest, most complex puzzle ever
Classical music is full of hidden codes, covert messages and unsolved mysteries - from Freemason subtext in Mozart's The Magic Flute to the hidden love letters in the music of Schumann and Brahms. And there are still musical enigmas waiting to be solved (we're looking at you, Bach and Elgar)
It has many superb agricultural applications
You weren't expecting that one, were you? If you want to produce great eggs, milk or… ahem… 'leisure substances', you need to get some good music playing.
You're part of a massive tradition
People have been going to classical music concerts and listening to great orchestras for hundreds of years. So whether you're listening to The Full Works Concert on Classic FM or popping down to your local concert hall, you're part of an amazing history. Here's the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic in 1920...
It makes you more attractive
Well we always thought someone who knew their Beethoven from their Bach had a certain je ne sais quoi. But now science has backed us up! So put on some Mendelssohn and feel irresistible.
Children love it
Fact. Name one child who hasn't at one time or another been soothed by a Brahms Lullaby, enchanted by a Grieg melody, or excited by the sound of the 1812 Overture. Exactly.
Because air-conducting is the greatest thing ever
We've all done it and it feels amazing. Turn up your stereo, grab a knitting needle and let yourself go.