15 things your music teacher says vs. what they REALLY mean

26 September 2017, 15:07

Out of tune

We’ve translated what your music teacher is REALLY trying to tell you. Get ready for some tough love.

1. What they say = “Watch your intonation there”

What they actually mean = “You’re horrendously out of tune”

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2. What they say = “Just check the dynamic marking in that passage”

What they actually mean = “You’re deafening me”

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3. What they say = “Maybe we can try a slightly different tone here?”

What they actually mean = “Go home and practise how to play nicely”

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Pls.

 

4. What they say = “Oh, that’s a nice idea to do an accelerando there”

What they actually mean = “PLEASE start using a metronome”

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Count, and learn.

 

5. What they say = “Listen to me play this passage, and have a listen to which dynamics you prefer”

What they actually mean = “Play it like I do, i.e. better”

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6. What they say = “Has it been a busy week for you?”

What they actually mean = “I know you haven't practised at all”

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7. What they say = “How are other things in life going for you?”

What they actually mean = “Have you considered a career outside of music?”

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8. What they say = “Just concentrate on your breathing”

What they actually mean = “Just chill out, OK??”

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9. What they say = “Ooh, that’s a fancy phone”

What they actually mean = “If you spent as much time on your instrument as you did on that damn phone, you’d be a much better player”

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Silly millennial.

 

10. What they say = “Support!”

What they actually mean = “Your posture is just terrible, I can barely look at you”

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11. What they say = “Let’s move on to another great Mozart Sonata”

What they actually mean = “You’re not ready for Beethoven”

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also...

 

12. What they say = “Let’s move on to another great Telemann Suite”

What they actually mean = “You’re not ready for Bach”

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13. What they say = “I think you hit a wolf note there”

What they actually mean = “There was no wolf note, you just haven’t learnt how to press on your strings properly”

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14. What they say = “Shall we try and squeeze in one more lesson before your exam?”

What they actually mean = “You’re so underprepared and I’m embarrassed the examiner knows I’m your teacher”

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15. What they say: “Your playing is very expressive today”

What they actually mean: “You’re playing SO many wrong notes, it’s hard to believe I’ve been teaching you for nine years”

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