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22 May 2015, 14:04
Even though they get to stand at the front and look important, it's a tough life being a conductor. Here are the downsides to the top job.
1. Unflattering photographs
So whenever you think you're doing a really emotive face in that delicate section of Brahms 2, it's actually more like this:
(Photo: Chris Christodolou)
2. People who say 'don't you just stand at the front and wave your arms?'
No. No we do not.
3. Surly brass sections
Look how Leonard Bernstein handles these back-row wise guys.
4. Big moments make you look weird
Riccardo Chailly is a magnificent man, please don't get us wrong. But conducting makes you do some strange things with your body.
5. Polo necks
You may start out as one of those young, cool conductors who wears whatever they like to rehearsals. But the polo neck will claim you. It will hunt you down and consume you. Fear it.
6. Unanswerable questions
"Maestro, should we begin this phrase with up-bows or down-bows?"
7. When the orchestra can't keep up
JUST GO AT THE SAME SPEED AS MY HANDS HOW HARD IS IT
(via Tumblr width=460 )
8. Soloists in concertos
"If you could have the cadenza finished in the next couple of hours, that'd be great. I'll just stand here."
9. Studying scores in your spare time
Musicians have practising, which at least makes a nice sound. Reading scores is way boring.
Yeah, yeah, they're 'essential' to an orchestra. But come on guys. If you just left the playing to conductors then they wouldn't even need to be told how to play the pieces correctly, right?