Variations on a Rococo Theme Opus 33 Peter Ilich Tchaikovsky
If you've ever been to watch a musical, whether it was 'Annie' at your local secondary school or 'Les Mis' in the West End – you've almost certainly had these thoughts.
1. Right, I’m here, let’s get musical!
2. £15 for a programme? What’s it made of, gold?!
3. Who are these people queuing for a branded T-shirt? Craziness.
4. Wow this is a squeeze I should have asked for an aisle seat. I hope no one wants to get past.
5. Everyone in the world needed to get past. My knees exist no more.
6. LIGHTS DOWN SO EXCITING.
7. Much rustling. Why don’t they make silent sweet packets?
8. Glaring at rustlers.
9. Quite fancy some choccies though, if I’m honest.
10. Right: concentrate.
11. Too much talking, acting guys. When will the music start?
12. Am I the only person who can see the flesh-coloured mics? Maybe I have some kind of mic-vision super-power. Or maybe everyone can see them and we're all just being very British about it.
13. SONG IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN I CAN TELL THAT BECAUSE EVERYONE’S STANDING IN A LINE AND LOOKING A BIT AWKWARD.
14. Why did I give up dance classes? I wish I could do the splits. Everyone is impressed by someone who can do the splits. Everything would be possible if I could do the splits.
15. Look how happy they all are on stage. Everything is wonderful and exciting!
16. Do their face muscles ache after all that smiling?
17. Ah, what a tune. In the sitcom of my life in my head, this will now be my theme tune.
18. Is it too late to change career? I could totally become a musicals star and be like one of the people in Fame. Man, that is such a great film. I should buy some leg-warmers
19. Ooh, that key change was balanced right on the mid-way point between incredibly cheesy and unbelievably satisfying. ILOVEIT
20. This guy behind me is humming.
21. This tune is catchy though, to be fair
22. Wait, was *I* humming just then? *Blushes* I wouldn't want anyone to think I was one of those people who gets so swept along they end up singing and clapping.
23. INTERVAL. I might get some wine.
24. Wow, that’s a queue and a half. I can wait, though.
25. Right, toilet trip. Loooooaaads of time left.
26. Seen length of toilet queues. Regret wine. Did not anticipate length of toilet queue.
27. ARGH interval bell, have I got time to pee?
28. Phew, back in seat, ready to go. MUSICAL ME UP
29. Oh no! Due to a misunderstanding the hero and heroine might never be together.
30. EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE
31. This is edge of seat stuff.
32. WILL IT ALL BE OK
33. That person is actually literally on the edge of their seat and blocking my view. Irritating.
34. Oh thank goodness! It’s all been sorted, the misunderstanding has been resolved and they're having a tearful reunion. Aw that's so sweet, I wish I could have a tearful reunion with someone right now.
35. I’m not crying, that’s just hayfever.
36. FINE I’M CRYING OK ARE YOU HAPPY NOW THIS IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER
37. Everything’s so sad-happy. Look at how sad-happy everyone is, they’re all doing such big arm gestures.
38. I’m so happy, so many happy tingles.
39. So many emotions I don’t even know what I feel anymore. Pride? It feels maybe like pride…
40. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU GUYS! We’re all going to live happily ever after and with catchy music as the accompaniment.
41. Everyone’s clapping along! I’ll clap too!
42. Awkward, everyone stopped clapping as I started.
43. I want to stand up, shall I stand up?
44. Is it allowed?
45. Is it too keen?
46. There’s another person standing up so it’s probably fine.
47. What if everyone else didn’t think it was that good and I look stupid?
48. I’M STANDING UP I’M GIVING A STANDING OVATION THIS IS AWKWARD.
49. Regret that. Way too American.
50. Curtain down. No! Don’t go happy musicals people!
51. I want to watch it again right now!
52. Tomorrow, I will take up dancing.
53. And start singing lessons.
54. Oo MERCHANDISE, yes I want all the merchandise please merchandise seller. YES A BRANDED T-SHIRT YES, I will wear it everyday.
55. Oh, ok no one’s leaving for a while. They should really make these doors wider.
56. I don’t even know how I’m getting home I’m on a cloud of musical happiness.
57. I might wander the streets balletically jumping in the puddles.
58. I LOVE MUSICALS, WHEN CAN I MUSICAL AGAIN?!