Prepare your ears for absolute filth.
Terrible miming on TV shows, airline hand baggage restrictions and inappropriate use of classical music are just the beginning…
1. Terrible miming in films
We don’t expect you to go through the years of arduous training we’ve all survived gone through, but at least try and look like you know which end you’re supposed to hold, not mentioning anyone in particular Jeremy Irons.
2. Vibrato on TV talent shows
In your head you sound like Whitney, but look, here’s the thing: that’s not how you sound IRL, so maybe tone down the vibrato? Please.
3. Airline hand baggage restrictions
“Sure, cabin crew person, you can squash my priceless instrument into the corner of the overhead lockers, it’s not like I depend on it for my livelihood” – said no classical musician ever.
4. Ice rinks, generally
It’s all fun and games until someone injures their hand and can never play again. Other people call them ice rinks, we call them frozen circles of disaster. No winter fun for classical musicians. And we totally don’t resent all those happy people.
5. Classical music playing in the background
Will you all be quiet so I can work out which Haydn symphony is playing please.
6. Inappropriate use of classical music
Why did anyone think Fauré’s Requiem was an appropriate accompaniment to this nature documentary?
7. Midi versions of classical music
Pachelbel may or may not be turning in his grave but right here and right now, this is hurting my ears.
8. Cheerful breakfast presenters playing cheerful pop
Look, we were up late playing heart-rending music and then we had to go and do orchestral pub bonding. We have so much rage at cheerful breakfast radio presenters playing pop… in a major key *hits snooze*
9. Bad stock photos
Yeah, good luck playing the clarinet like that.