The 10 worst things about playing the guitar
8 October 2014, 16:20
Tuning, blisters, stretching and not being as attractive as Milos Karadaglic. These things and more are guaranteed to make any guitarist's life that little bit worse.
1. "Oh, you play guitar? Cool!"
People think you look like this:
You actually look like this:
2. Your fingers will know unimaginable pain
Before a fine set of calluses emerge after weeks of torture, you will undergo the most heinous of blisters. For the love of Segovia, someone think of the fingers!
3. People who read tabs instead of actual music
Are you kidding? That's not difficult. That's just maths.
If God had meant that finger-stretch to be humanly possible, he would have written this concerto. Not Rodrigo.
5. Your footstool could collapse at any moment
No matter how much trust you place in that one special tool, it will always pick the most inopportune time to disappoint you.
6. Creepy nails
Who doesn't love weird, lopsided, pointy fingernails? Oh, and you have to especially file your nails to give them the optimum picking shape. Which isn't a total chore.
7. Classical guitarists are naturally tame beasts
Beware: any attempts at rocking out are generally unsuccessful. And potentially dangerous.
8. Tuning up takes forever
"Be with you in a minute… alright, make it ten… actually, let's do this tomorrow."
9. Hooligans who smash their guitars
"It's all very well destroying an Argos electric, but you've got another thing coming if you go anywhere NEAR my Ramírez."
10. You are not as attractive as Milos Karadaglic
And you never will be. We're really sorry.