10 REALLY annoying things you should never do in an orchestra rehearsal

25 August 2017, 17:05

Orchestra. It should be a time for Baroque-ing out in nerdy bliss with the only people who love Bach as much as you do. But sometimes, not everyone is on your wavelength – these are the ten intensely annoying habits you should never do in rehearsal…

1. Show up half an hour late… when you play timpani.

Don’t you know the rehearsal room isn’t big enough for you to trample through us all when we’ve already started our first practice run?

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See also:

2. Show up in sweaty gym clothes, forgetting it’s a two-hour rehearsal in a space that shouldn’t even be classified as a room

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3. Leave your instrument in a cold place so it doesn’t warm up in time

... and you play a quarter tone flat for the whole rehearsal.

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Seriously, just leave it in the airing cupboard or something.*

*don’t actually do this

4. Do the opposite bowings to your desk partner, so you always bump into them on their down-bows

The gods of music theory wrote these in for a REASON.

Down bows

Gawd.

5. Tut along with the conductor when the flutes get their part wrong

Umm, yes I did miss that B flat. Did I ask for your opinion on it?

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No thank you.

6. Play your clarinet at just the right angle to shower the person on the desk in front with your saliva

Yep, I reeeaally needed that mid-day shower.

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7. Get all fidgety every time you have a rest for more than 10 bars

Bet Nicola Benedetti survives without checking her phone after every movement...

*tuts*

8. Pluck, toot and tap your foot relentlessly when the conductor is trying to go over something

Why must you incessantly tap everything in your vicinity in incomprehensibly complex rhythmic patterns?

Jeez, it’s like you’re a musician or something! (Oh wait...)

9. Conveniently “have to rush off” after every rehearsal, so you never have to help pack the chairs away

Oh, another dentist appointment in the space of two weeks?

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U lie.

10. Show up on concert day, and “accidentally forget your instrument”

Literally, go home and reassess everything you do.

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But then without your orchestra buddies, who else would understand your intense grief when you accidentally snap your brand new Pirastro Gold E string?

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We know Leighton, we know.